


Light Games

by diav



Category: Kim Possible (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-04
Updated: 2013-06-24
Packaged: 2017-12-13 22:28:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/829592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diav/pseuds/diav
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Kim and Shego have a chance encounter that may or may not lead to something more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing with my life. I mean, I've had my ups and downs, but I never really feel like I'm "all there" on days I don't see her.  
  
What is it about her that makes me feel safe? I mean, we're not exclusive, not even really 'dating' but we've always found time to be together and to have some fun.  
  
How did this all start, you must wonder. Well, let me tell you.  


* * *

  
It was one of those nights where we all had nothing better to do and I think my friends of friends dragged me to a bonfire of sorts. I had ingested a decent amount of alcohol - enough to sort of know where I was and who I was with, but not really.  
  
Anyway, she smiled at me as we gathered closer to the bonfire. I think I gave her a goofy, if not dazed, look back. Suddenly everything was all colours and spots because Ron gave me a joint and I think I might've smoked it all the way through. I don't remember.  
  
What I do remember is the look she gave me as she smoked something much stronger. It was predatory or maybe plain creepy, but I remembered the look in her eyes as I walked home in the dark. Ron and Monique were making out somewhere on the beach and I felt that I had had enough for the night. It's not so often that I let loose, so I decided to quit before I lost control of myself.  
  
Maybe it was because I was so preoccupied with my thoughts that I didn't notice that I was being followed. After all, everything's hazy when you're tipsy and high as a kite. Something like that.  
  
Anyway, I was putting the keys into door when I heard her speak.  
  
"You're home early. Didn't want to have more fun with your friends?"  
  
I turned to look and only saw the same eyes glowing at me in the dark. The hallways in my building aren't that well lit because the owner is cheap, so only a small patch of moonlight coming through the window across from my unit was separating me from her.  
  
"They ended up somewhere on the beach, probably making out or something," I found myself saying.  
  
She stepped closer to me and that's when I saw her face. So cool, so reserved.  
  
I knew what she wanted.  
  
I knew what I should've done.  
  
But I didn't turn her away.  
  
Looking back, I don't think I could have. Even if I was fully sober, I still wouldn't have.  
  
"What are you doing here?" I slurred slightly. My head was spinning a bit but I was trying to keep my cool.  
  
She shrugged at me, her eyes telling me to invite her in. And so I did - after fumbling with my keys.  
  
She followed me in and asked for a glass of water - a strange request, really.  
  
"Just a sec." I think I crashed into my kitchen counter when I was getting a mug. I remember finding a bruise there.  
  
When I came out of the kitchen, she was nowhere to be seen.  Confused (and perhaps really wobbly), I checked the living room. Then the bathroom.  
  
And finally, the bedroom.  
  
She was sitting on my bed with a smug look on her face.  
  
"So..." I put the mug on my desk and leaned on my bookshelf for support.  
  
"So..." was her response. She inflected in such a way that she was asking me a question. A very silent question.  
  
I think, at that point in time, I was about to keel over.  She caught me mid-fall and whispered soothing things in my ear.  
  
I don't really remember what happened next.  Who did what and to whom.  
  
All I remember was that her touch was gentle, her kisses soft, and I had a hell of a time.  
  
Actually, looking back now, I was probably the one who kissed her first.  Alcohol and pot breath, heh.  Unattractive, but when you're a mix of drunk and high, nothing matters... you just want a good time.  
  
And a good time I did have.  
  
Until I woke up in the morning.  


* * *

  
"Ugh."  
  
"More or less."  
  
I threw open the covers and realised that I wasn't alone this morning.  I blinked. Then refocused.  
  
Oh, right.  Last night.  
  
"Hey," she purred at me. "Sleep ok?"  
  
I found myself nodding and then staring at her.  We were both naked, no doubt about it.  
  
"You got aspirin or something?"  
  
I nodded and got out of bed to find the bottle.  That glass of water was still on the table from the night before, so I popped one in my mouth and took a sip before handing her the bottle and the glass.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
I watched her take two and finish off the glass.  There's something sexy about watching someone naked drink water.  Maybe it's just me.  
  
"If you don't mind, I'm just going to go back to sleep," she murmured as she laid back down on the bed.  
  
I remember looking at the clock and deciding that it would be a good idea to go back to sleep too since I wasn't feeling that great. It was only seven in the morning, so it would've been no big to sleep in some more on that Saturday.  
  
When I woke up again, I stared at the ceiling for a bit. So this is what it feels like to let loose and have a night of fun, I remembered myself thinking. I just didn't anticipate what came next.  
  
One moment I'm looking at the ceiling, the next she's on top of me and smirking.  
  
"Good morning."  
  
"Um, a good morning to you too." There was a predatory glint in her eye again.  
  
And before I knew it, we were at it again.  
  
I guess I couldn't blame that one on the alcohol or pot, but only good-natured lust on my part.  
  
This time, I remembered.  
  
By the time we were done, it was lunch time. She had followed me into the shower and let's just say I've never done 'it' standing up.  
  
"Thanks for letting me crash, uh..."  
  
I think we both laughed.  
  
We never introduced ourselves to each other. But wouldn't it be better if we didn't introduce ourselves? Wasn't that the point of anonymous sex?  
  
She seemed to have the same thought and didn't say anything else as we got dressed.  
  
We parted ways as I headed out to the pizzeria and she somewhere else. I don't think we said anything else after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this back in November 2012 and completely forgot about it until I went through a folder of things that were labelled as complete.
> 
> I know I've used the one night stand storyline in a previous work, but I wanted to focus on something different this time...


	2. Chapter 2

I ran into her again at the audio and video rental store.  
  
She didn't see me at first, but when I went up to the counter with my DVDs and CDs, she did.  
  
"I'd like to check these out."  
  
She looked up from her phone. Obviously a job like hers was boring. She blinked once and then chuckled.  
  
"Fancy running into you here, of all places."  
  
I shrugged. "Just gotta feed my music and movie fix." I gave her my card and she tilted her head.  
  
"I guess we're now introduced," she read the name on my card, "Kim."  
  
I peered at the placard on her uniform. "Nice to meet you, Shego."  
  
She grinned. "You're probably wondering why I'm working here."  
  
"No, not really." It was the truth.  
  
She raised an eyebrow. "Part-time job to pay the bills."  
  
"Ah."  
  
I watched her scan the items and then put them into a bag.  
  
"Here you go. Due in two weeks."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"See you later."  
  
I think I had a momentarily lapse of judgement at that point. It had been almost a month since our one night fling, but it had also been the last time I was with anyone in all senses of the word.  
  
"Say," I walked back to the counter. "Are you free later?"  
  
She gave me an amused look. "Oh, I don't know. Why?"  
  
"You wanna hang?" I wasn't too sure what I was asking, or doing, at this point.  
  
"What does 'hanging' entail?" She took the items from the guy who was standing behind me in line and scanned them. "Here. Due in two weeks on the twenty-first." She watched him walk away before giving me a pointed look.  
  
"Um, I dunno." It was a stupid answer, but I honestly couldn't think of anything.  
  
"Tell you what, Kim. Swing by here in," she looked at her phone, "three hours. I'll be done my shift."  
  
"Ok."

* * *

  
I hovered outside the video store when it was almost time. What was I doing?  
  
I suppose, at the time, I was just lonely. Ron and Monique had left for a road trip and wouldn't be back for a few weeks. I wasn't seeing anyone at the time and acquaintances come and go. So what was Shego going to be?  
  
Just another stranger or something more?  
  
I mulled over that question while I waited. Soon, she came out with her backpack; she had changed out of the dull blue uniform and into something I assumed that suited her better: tight jeans with a black tank and a leather jacket.  
  
"Hey."  
  
"Hi." For the sake of small talk, I guess I rambled for a bit. "How was the rest of your shift?"  
  
"It's easy money when no one comes by."  
  
"Ah. You said this was part-time. Do you work full-time too?"  
  
She shrugged. "I'm a bit of a freeter. Only been working this one so far. You work?" She fished out a pack of cigarettes from her backpack and pulled out a lighter.  
  
"I work in publishing... Just an office assistant job."  
  
She waved the pack at me and I shook my head but watched her light the cigarette with a practised efficiency.  
  
"Boring nine to five job?"  
  
I nodded. "It pays the bills." I wasn't sure where we were headed but I followed her up until we reached Fifth Avenue and Pineway Boulevard. "Where are we going?"  
  
"Somewhere to unwind. There's a bar at the end of Pineway."  
  
"Jimmy's?"  
  
"Yeah, you've been?"  
  
I nodded and continued following.  
  
She blew out a puff of smoke. "Good thing you don't smoke."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"It ruins lungs."  
  
'No shit' was what I wanted to say but I opted for something less offensive. "How long have you been smoking?"  
  
I watched her take another puff and blow it out. She frowned in thought.  
  
"Five years? Ever since I finished college."  
  
We were approaching the bar. "What'd you study?"  
  
"Economics."  
  
I was perplexed by her part-time job choice but by the time we reached the bar, my thoughts were interrupted as she opened the door for me. And I had thought chivalry was dead.  
  
We sat at the bar since all of the tables were taken. The waitress gave Shego a wink that I interpreted as a knowing one: most of the patrons seemed to have said hello to her on our way in, so I guess she frequented the bar often.  
  
"My cousin owns the joint," she muttered when she saw me looking around.  
  
"Cool."  
  
I ended up getting the house burger and a beer, while she got something stronger and a quesadilla. It wasn't like we were on a date but I still felt compelled to make small talk.  
  
"So..."  
  
"So..." She was sipping on her lager and watched me from the corner of her eye. "Why ask me to hang out if you can't spit out what you want to talk about?"  
  
I shrugged. She was a bit brash, I found. "Just needed some company, I guess."  
  
"If you wanted company, you would go back home." She swivelled on the bar stool to face me. "So why me? Why not your friends? Wasn't there a blonde dude with you that night at the bonfire?"  
  
"Out on a road trip with his girlfriend."  
  
"Huh. So you'd rather hang with a stranger than be at home by yourself."  
  
"I don't see what the problem is since you agreed to hanging out."  
  
"Figured I'd humour you for a while."  
  
"And then?"  
  
She raised both eyebrows at me. "We're just hanging out."  
  
"Good."  
  
She took a bite of her quesadilla. "Does being lonely bother you that much?"  
  
"Not exactly, but the feeling of knowing that it's just me out there by myself does."  
  
"Alone to face your fears, alone to face the world... Stuff like that?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I feel that way too sometimes but you grit your teeth and live your life."  
  
I think I nodded. You sort of don't expect a stranger to understand how you feel. We ate in silence for the next little while before she asked me whether I wanted to go see a movie.  
  
"What movie? I'm up for anything."  
  
"You wanna come over then? I've got a vast collection of DVDs."  
  
"From work?"  
  
"Yeah, I get a pretty good discount if I buy them out."  
  
"Ok, cool."  
  
"Also, I wanted to say this before, but why the heck did you borrow those boring movies?"  
  
"Work and something to watch to pass the time."  
  
"Huh. Strange. Anyway, come by and we can watch something."  
  
"I thought you said you were working to pay the bills."  
  
She laughed. "I studied economics and have a business on the side."  
  
"Oh, but what about being a freeter?"  
  
"I'm lazy and don't want to be just another worker bee. Working in the video store helps me pass the time."  
  
"What kind of business do you have?"  
  
"Freelance investment consulting. Mostly been helping out friends who have businesses." She shrugged at me, as if it was just another job. If I recall, it's still a relatively high paying job.  
  
"Cool."  
  
"Anyway, working at the video store has allowed me to own quite a collection of movies. If you want to kill time, that is."  
  
I nodded. What harm could it do if I just watched a movie with her?  
  
We paid for our food and drinks and then headed off. It was late autumn at the time, so it was just starting to be a bit nippy outside. I remember zipping up my jacket and pulling the collar up to my ears.  
  
We walked in silence as we turned a few corners and then arrived at a rather impressive townhouse unit.  
  
The interior was just as impressive as the exterior: wooden floorboards and ...was that a marble countertop in her kitchen?!  
  
"Here, just put your coat and shoes wherever." Shego was pointing into the living room. "Plasma TV and a bookshelf of movies."  
  
Whoa.  
  
"Whoa." I stared at the TV. It was huge. And then I saw the famous collection. Three bookshelves' worth of movies in VHS and DVD format.  
  
"If you name it, I probably have it. At the price I'm getting these for, it beats renting or streaming."  
  
"Amazing. You must love movies."  
  
"Heh, I like watching them. Come on, pick one and pop it in. You want anything to drink? Water? Beer?"  
  
"I'll have water for now." I stood in front of the first shelf and scanned around for a title I wanted to watch, but there was one thought that bothered me: what was I doing?  
  
Shego came back into the living room with a glass and beer in hand. "Ah, good choice."  
  
I had pulled out an action/adventure flick that was about infiltrating the mob underground. I wasn't paying attention when I pulled it out, but I guess if she thought it was a good choice, then we'd watch it.  
  
I remember keeping my distance on the couch - I didn't want to give her the wrong impression, nor was this a date, exactly. The movie started out great, but I don't remember the end since I had fallen asleep...  
  
When I woke up the next morning, I found myself covered with a blanket on the sofa.  
  
I heard noises coming from - was it the kitchen? - somewhere in the house when I opened my eyes. It was a bit disorienting because I forgot that I had "slept over" at Shego's place.  
  
The woman had stuck her head in the living room right as I slowly sat up on the sofa.  
  
"Ah, you're up. Sorry, you seemed so comfortable that I didn't want to wake you when the movie was over... Nor do I think I wanted to make you go upstairs to the guest room in such a sleepy state."  
  
"Umm, it's ok... And thanks for letting me crash... So I guess I missed most of the movie?"  
  
"You fell asleep about half an hour in. I finished it though."  
  
"Oh... Sorry." I noticed that the ashtray on the coffee table had two cigarette stubs. I guess she was smoking during the movie too.  
  
She waved her hand at me. "It's ok. You wanna stay for breakfast? I just started the coffee maker."  
  
"Umm, ok." I probably looked really dishevelled since my hair felt kind of greasy and my clothes were bit uncomfortable after being slept in.  
  
"Give me ten minutes..."  
  
"Uh, can I help with anything?"  
  
"It's ok, I've got it under control. There's a bathroom upstairs on your right." She disappeared into the kitchen and left me be.  
  
I folded up the blanket and figured I might as well try to look a big nicer and went up the stairs. There were three other rooms upstairs - one of which had the door closed, so I assumed that was Shego's room. The other seemed like a study room, and last room was empty. I guess she moved in recently or had no use for that room. When I got to the bathroom, I realized that I had nothing to brush my teeth with, but saw that there was a new toothbrush on the sink counter. "Use me" was what the sticky note said.  
  
How thoughtful, really.

* * *

  
"Bacon and eggs... And toast." She passed me a plate as I came into the kitchen.  
  
"Thanks and sorry for imposing."  
  
She shrugged. "I don't mind the company."  
  
We ate in silence for a bit before she audibly swallowed. "So... You feeling any better?"  
  
I cocked my head at her in confusion.  
  
"You were telling me you felt a bit lonely."  
  
"Oh, that..." I'm pretty sure I blushed a bit. "I feel better now."  
  
"It's a fleeting sort of feeling... I know what that's like... It comes and goes, but don't let that get to you... Especially with asking to hang out with strangers they barely know." She winked and I felt my face flush.  
  
"When you put it that way..."  
  
She shrugged again. "There's a difference between being lonely and wanting companionship. I think _that_ night was the latter for both of us."  
  
I didn't expect her to bring up that evening and now that she did, I did feel a bit embarrassed. "I actually wanted to blame the alcohol and pot for that, but... I guess that one is totally my fault."  
  
She shook her head. "Nah, we're equally at fault... Although I think I might've spooked you when I, uh, sort of followed you home..." She rubbed the back of her neck.  
  
"Ummm, spooked, yes, but not scared... In the end, everything sort of played out."  
  
"Until now I guess." She shrugged. "What's going to happen next?"  
  
"I'm not sure I follow," I found myself saying.  
  
"What I mean is that I don't really do relationships--"  
  
"--that is clearly not what I want... Between us, anyway."  
  
She looked at me funny for a moment. "All right. Just a heads up: I don't really 'date' nor do I do relationships. So... Friends?"  
  
It was a question so simple yet I felt butterflies in my stomach. "Yeah, friends." I laughed. "Maybe you can share that movie discount with me."  
  
She chuckled. "Only if you don't want boring movies."  
  
That was the start of our odd friendship.  
  
Until one evening.


	3. Chapter 3

I think it must had been about more than a year after I hung out with Shego when this happened. For someone who told me she didn't do relationships, she was in a rather dysfunctional one with Pierre, some guy who managed to worm his way into her heart. I didn't like him at all and she was aware of it but when it comes to matters of the heart, you only really think about yourself and don't care for other people's opinions.  
  
I don't know how fast she fell for him but I know how hard she fell for him. It didn't seem fair to me. Here I was, trying to get on by with putting up with two of my BFFs hooking up and trying to quash whatever feelings I had for Shego - let's face it, I did have them for her - when suddenly she crashed my apartment drunker than I had ever seen her before.  
  
Thud. Thud. Knock. Thud. Was someone kicking my door?  
  
I remember staring through the peephole and seeing her sad form leaning against the door.  
  
"Shego?" I opened the door. "Oof." She leaned right on me. "Hey, what's wrong?" I felt her forehead: warm, but she seemed more drunk than sick.  
  
I dragged her to the couch and then locked the door. It seemed like she was crying but the tears had already dried. I knelt beside her.  
  
"Hey, wanna tell me what's wrong?"  
  
Her eyelids fluttered open. She sniffled a bit first but I already knew what had happened.  
  
"He dumped me."  
  
How do you comfort someone you are undeniably attracted to without taking advantage of their current vulnerable state?  
  
I was conflicted. On the one hand, I was happy she would not be seeing Pierre. On the other, I was upset that she was hurting.  
  
The only thing I could do was hold her close and murmur that everything was fine, that she would bounce back, and that she should let it all out.  
  
What I remember was that she burrowed her face in my body but didn't cry.  
  
We stayed like that for an hour or two. I didn't want to move away. I wanted to let her know that I was there for her. If only she could feel a fraction of what I was going through, she would understand.  
  
I'm not sure if she did.  
  
I'm not sure if I did.  
  
I'm not sure if I did anymore.  
  
Because she kissed me.  
  
I knew she was drunk.  
I knew she was vulnerable.  
I knew she was just seeking some comfort.  
I knew it all.  
  
And I kissed her back.  


* * *

  
  
"Fuck."  
  
I kept my eyes closed as I felt her shift around in the bed.  
  
"Fuck."  
  
I heard the bed creak as she sat up. She realised we were both naked.  
  
"Fuck."  
  
I kept my breathing normal and resisted the urge to open my eyes. I didn't want to look into her eyes. I didn't want to see the look of regret on her face when she realised what had happened between us the night before. I was, to be honest, scared of how she would react.  
  
I felt her shuffle off the bed and into the bathroom. It was only then that I relaxed and took in a few deep breaths. I would never be able to face her if she came back out and saw me awake.  
  
I wasn't ashamed.  
I wasn't embarrassed.  
But I was dead afraid that she would be.  
  
I heard the bathroom door open and closed my eyes. It would just be better if I continued feigning sleep. I didn't want to see her this morning.  
  
She left without a word.  


* * *

  
  
I hadn't heard from her for about a week and a bit.  
  
I even went to the bar looking for her but everyone said they hadn't seen her.  
  
She didn't reply any of my text messages or calls.  
  
I had wondered how weird it would be if I stopped by her house to check... I only mustered the courage to do so one night. I stopped by the bar hoping I'd run into her but I didn't. I ended up drinking more than normal and had staggered my way over.  
  
The house was dark and no car was in the driveway.  
  
Good going, I remembered thinking, you ruined this friendship by wanting something more.  
  
I think I sat with my head in my hands on her front steps for some time before I realised a car was approaching the driveway.  
  
I stared at the headlights as they approached. I couldn't see the driver but I knew it was her when she turned off the engine and stepped out of the car.  
  
"Where'd you go?"  
  
She sat beside me on the steps.  
  
"Somewhere to think."  
  
"Sorry. Gosh, I'm such an idiot."  
  
"You're not an idiot."  
  
"I took advantage of you... H-how... Y-you should hate me!" I remember wailing that out at her before she put an arm around me.  
  
"I don't hate you. And frankly, I'd probably do the same." She flashed me a smile before leaning in close, her lips hovering over mine. "Like right now."  
  
I stared at her dumbfounded after the kiss was over. She laughed.  
  
"W-w-wha?!"  
  
"Kim, you and I both know that we've kept everything at bay for a while... I know you didn't like Pierre, but for a moment, I did feel like it would've been better to love someone else..."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"It's like... Being in love with the idea of being in love. When an opportunity comes, you should take it. I missed mine with yours that day you asked me to hang out."  
  
She fished out her box of cigarettes and offered me one. I was way too confused to even think about what was going on, so I took it.  
  
She took a puff. "I guess you're confused."  
  
I took a breath. "I don't know what to say."  
  
"Silence says everything. Sometimes." She blew out a ring of smoke.  
  
"So did you love Pierre? You seemed pretty broken-hearted to me." It sounded harsh - spiteful, even.  
  
"Yeah, I did."  
  
"Until he dump-- until you broke up."  
  
She shrugged.  
  
I didn't understand it at all. One minute she tells me she loved him. The next she tells me she loves me.  
  
"So... Where did you go?"  
  
"Back home. For a bit. My mother was happy to see me... up until a point."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"I did a lot of thinking after what happened. I know I left without a word... That probably wasn't the best thing to do."  
  
"I-I-- I was awake when you left."  
  
"Ah. Why didn't you stop me?"  
  
"You were swearing... And I really didn't want to face you if you were upset with me."  
  
"Coward."  
  
"Very much so..."  
  
We were silent again. I drew in a breath, blew out smoke, and coughed.  
  
"You shouldn't smoke if you don't like it."  
  
I laughed. "I look like an idiot, don't I?"  
  
"No, but you'll ruin your lungs."  
  
"Big words for someone who smokes when she's stressed about something."  
  
"I smoke out of habit--"  
  
"--and stress."  
  
"Whatever."  
  
It was more or less pitch black outside. The gradual burn of our cigarettes were the only things we could see.  
  
I heard her sigh. She relaxed her arm around my shoulders and rubbed my back.  
  
"I wasn't swearing because of what happened. It was because of what I realised. You know we hadn't gone a day without contacting each other since that weird movie date?"  
  
"It wasn't a date."  
  
"Seemed like one to me."  
  
"I fell asleep and missed out on the movie."  
  
"Heh. Yeah."  
  
"So what did you realise?" I asked that hesitantly since I wasn't too sure whether she wanted to share these thoughts with me.  
  
"I realised that... You've been my anchor for most aspects of my life. I don't hate my job much anymore... I'm not working for the sake of paying off my bills anymore. I'm working because I actually do enjoy movies and enjoy sharing the experience of watching them with you." She took one last puff and I watched her put out the cigarette on the steps. I let mine burn down to the filter before putting it out.  
  
"I realised that I wasn't being fair to you or myself about things.  You and I both know we are attracted to each other."  
  
"Uh, I--"  
  
"--Don't deny it. I once had very ludicrous thought that it was even possible for us to be friends with benefits."  
  
"I... wouldn't have minded, to be honest."  
  
"Nor would I, but do you see how catastrophic it would be?"  
  
"So what are you telling me now? That we should--"  
  
"--What I realised that, even during the period where I went gaga over Pierre, coming back to you has always made me feel safe. Made me feel that, when I wanted, I could share aspects of my life that I would have never shared with Pierre. Like that time I told you about embarrassing college moments, or how estranged I am with my family... Things like that."  
  
"That puts me more in the 'BFF' category."  
  
"It's not about what label you want applied to yourself, Kim. I don't like labels, you know that."  
  
"But you went out with Pierre. You were, at one point, his girlfriend... Making you unattainable to me. I had to put a label on that." I suppose I sounded bitter - who wouldn't?  
  
She sighed. "The point being is that you make me feel safe. Free to feel however I want about whatever 'this' is."  
  
I swallowed back the comment that we seemed to be more than friends, but nothing like a couple.  
  
I guess she noticed my hesitation to say anything and simply patted my knee.  
  
"We shouldn't think too hard about things and just live in the moment."  
  
She stood up and unlocked her door. She didn't ask or say anything, but left me to decide on the things that follow.  
  
I think I stood there for a solid five minutes unsure of what to do before she came back to the door with a mug of hot chocolate.  
  
"You're going to catch a cold if you stay out here much longer." She leaned on the door frame. "You know I wouldn't be mad if you didn't want to come in. I understand how... How my relationship with Pierre sort of put a strain between us. I understand if you're angry with me."  
  
"How can I be mad at you when... When... I..." I turned around and sat back down on the steps. It felt stupid to say the words out loud, so all I did was sit there and drank from the mug.  
  
She took it as a sign of nervousness, or even uncertainty, so all she did was say, in what I thought was an amused voice, "If you come inside, I won't force you into anything you don't want."  
  
She left me at the door and I heard her move her things upstairs in her room. After all, she did disappear on me for a week and had packed things for her impromptu trip.  
  
I drained the cup and stared up at the sky. I remember it was a full moon that night, so I stared at the faraway stars and wondered how the darkness swallowed them up, only to be seen when the time was right.  
  
So when is the right time?  
  
When do I move from one phase to another? When does it seem like the right time? Is there a right time?  
  
Human emotions are volatile under all circumstances, so who's to say what I do is wrong now but right later? And vice versa?  
  
I remember I went inside to wash the mug. I think she heard me close the door to keep the draft out, but she did nothing. I sat in the kitchen and heard her turn on the shower.  
  
I must've dozed off because I found a blanket draped over my shoulders when I woke. I looked at the oven clock. 4 AM. I blinked and winced at my stiff arms and legs as I tried to get up: I had fallen asleep seated at the dinner table.  
  
Maybe I was in a daze, maybe I was just cold. Or maybe I needed her to hold me in my sleep.  
  
I slowly walked upstairs, blanket in hand, to her room. The door was ajar with moonlight spilling in from the window. I saw her sleeping form move with every breath she took.  
  
I climbed into the bed with the blanket and she did not move. The heat radiating from her was like a magnet pulling me in. I found myself shuffling closer to her and then curled up beside her.


	4. Chapter 4

Things were a bit awkward after that night. It took a while for us to get back to our old routine of being-- Why am I putting a label on this?  
  
Anyway, I ended up sleeping in her bed and she didn't freak out. I remember I was lying there, afraid of feigning sleep again, afraid that she would push me away further if she knew I was intentionally avoiding whatever morning-after conversation that was needed to mend the rift between us.  
  
"You're awake."  
  
She shifted and rolled onto her side to face me. I cracked open my eyes and saw her own looking back at me.  
  
"There was a hitch in your breath just now."  
  
"Oh." I rubbed my eyes as she watched. "Good morning."  
  
It seemed like she wanted to kiss the top of my head but she pulled herself back and simply brushed hair from my eyes. "Good morning."  
  
"Sorry... I got cold, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to climb in."  
  
"It's ok. I don't mind."  
  
Awkward pause.  
  
I cleared my throat and tried to figure out what to say next.  
  
"You know, you don't have to force yourself to be nice to me."  She shifted on her back and stared at the ceiling. "You don't have to be so kind to me since I hurt you in more ways than one."  
  
My throat went dry as I tried searching for the words to tell her that I wasn't angry when she continued.  
  
"Looking back now, I just feel like no good could ever come from being with someone like me. I can't offer stability, nor am I exactly the ideal sort of woman in this day and age."  
  
"You shouldn't fit yourself into someone's ideals."  
  
She turned her head to look at me. "You have, inadvertently, put me on a pedestal since we met and I haven't lived up to your expectations, have I?"  
  
I was taken aback by what she said, but I knew my feelings were absolute. "You haven't failed me at all. You live the life you want, you surprise me all the time. I can't possibly have any expectations of that. You live in the moment and that is what matters the most when we're all searching for that something that will make us content with the lives we're living."  
  
"When did you get so philosophical?" She laughed. "You're right, but I think a part of you resents me for going out with Pierre." She stared back at the ceiling again. "Without heartbreak, one cannot move on to better things in life..." Her hand moved around the bed until it found mine.  
  
It was a silent gesture that I understood, but part of me was clouded by my doubts. "Shego, I..."  
  
"You don't have to give me an answer or anything. I want you in my life, regardless of what happens. I don't want us to not be friends because of my foolishness and naïveté."  
  
She knew what I was thinking: it would be too quick if we jumped into another phase of our friendship that wasn't supposed to play out until much later.  
  
I simply squeezed her hand and we laid there until we both fell asleep again.  
  
The next few days were strange. We still hung out every day at the bar but didn't say much. I wondered whether it was because she was embarrassed about what happened, or whether it was because she didn't want to pressure me.  
  
She went back to work immediately, so I found myself waiting for her everyday outside the store after I got off work. By this point in time, we had each other's schedule memorized.  
  
I think the first day, she merely asked, "Jimmy's?" and we found ourselves in the company of familiar faces at the bar.  


* * *

  
  
Her cousin was, in fact, not Jimmy. He was a serious type of man, not much older than myself, who had inherited the bar after his father's death. I remember when Shego first introduced him to me.  
  
"This ass on a stick is," she slapped him on the back, "my cousin, Will."  
  
"Very funny," he deadpanned as he shook my hand. "William Du."  
  
"He's like... A half cousin."  
  
"We're still cousins, regardless of the details. My mother was Shego's aunt, but she divorced her first husband and remarried Jimmy, my father, shortly after," Will clarified as he wiped down the bar with a cloth. "So, what'll it be, ladies?"  
  
"Gin tonic."  
  
"I'll just have a rum and Coke."  
  
"That's a boring drink."  
  
"It's not like yours is any better." I remember I stuck out my tongue at her, earning a chuckle from my companion.  
  
"Who's yer pretty friend, Shego?" An elderly man was sitting with us at the bar and he tipped his cap at me when I looked up.  
  
"This is Kim." She slapped the man on the back. "This here is Old Man George. He's a friend of my pa's."  
  
"Nice to meet you, George."  
  
He grinned at me in response. "Y'know, you should call yer ma, Shego."  
  
"Later."  
  
I remember I gave her a sympathetic look but she returned it with a frown.  
  
Will had leaned over the counter to mutter in my ear as Shego spoke with George. "Shego comes from a prominent business family and they want her to take over, but she refuses."  
  
I kind of looked between the two relatives and blinked.  
  
"Don't dump Kim with all that crap, Will. You're more or less in the same position but your old man left you this place." She gave her cousin a look that could've curdled milk, but, I guess for my sake, her expression softened when she looked at me. "Just family crap."  
  
I didn't ask her about any of it but I was curious as to why Shego would refuse a life of comfort by inheriting the family business compared to a life of working in a video rental store.  


* * *

  
  
"Kim!" Old Man George waved his beer bottle at me. "Guess you found'er, eh?"  
  
"I guess." Shego had walked off to greet someone at another table.  
  
"Everything ok between you two?"  
  
I must've made a face because George laughed.  
  
"What makes you ask that?"  
  
"Seemed like you had a fight or something."  
  
I shook my head.  
  
"Oh, come now, I may be old but I can tell when a pretty young woman like you is troubled by something. I bet that something is Shego."  
  
I shrugged.  
  
"She's a bit stubborn, Kim. I'm sure you've noticed it by now, but she's good folk. You know I've known her since she was a child?"  
  
I cocked my head.  
  
"Whether she likes it or not, I made a promise to her Ma to look out for her. She's always been a handful, but we all just want what's best for her."  
  
I shifted my gaze to the woman who was chuckling at another patron's joke. She looked up just as I looked her way and she gave me a smile.  
  
"Regardless of what happened between the two of you, I'm sure you'll be all right." George took another swig of his beer and winked.  
  
Will placed my usual beer in front of me. "I heard she went back home for a bit."  
  
I nodded. He pulled out a cloth and began drying mugs.  
  
"You ok?"  
  
I looked at him and saw him gazing at me, as if trying to read my emotions.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine."  
  
"You don't look it."  
  
"Just tired."  
  
"Give her a chance. Pierre was a jackass anyway." Before I could respond, he walked off to cater to new customers that entered the bar.  
  
"Hey." She sidled up to me and sat down. She nodded at George, who merely raised his bottle in acknowledgement.  
  
"How's work?"  
  
"Same old, same old. I got a new movie you might be interested in." She dug it out of her backpack. The Memo Pad 3.  
  
"They made another?"  
  
"Yeah, I guess so."  
  
We had watched the first two over at her place when we first started hanging out. I guess it did seem natural that we'd watch this next instalment.  
  
"You want to come over and watch this?"  
  
I must've hesitated for a noticeable second because she hastily added, "If you have the time."  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Ok. Cool." Nonchalance was her strength, but I knew that my response made her happy. Her cheeks coloured a bit as she put the movie back into her bag.  
  
We took things slow.  
  
I held onto her hand the moment we stepped outside the bar. To be honest, I had no idea what was happening, but it just felt _right_.  
  
"I'm... going to try to quit smoking."  
  
She murmured that so quietly that I barely heard it.  
  
I didn't want to ask why but she answered me anyway.  
  
"You were right. I do smoke when I'm stressed but I guess I'd also want to not kill myself slowly with cigarettes."  
  
I nodded. We turned a corner.  
  
"I settled whatever issues I had with my mom." She laughed. "My idiot brother is going to run the family business."  
  
"How--"  
  
"She's given up on trying to get me to help out. Something about me being rambunctious and restless."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"It's all cool. She gave my portion of the inheritance to my brothers. Not like they'll be getting it any time soon. Ma's still got many, many years to go."  
  
"She... wrote you out of the will?!"  
  
"Something like that. All 'cause I live the life I want."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"Don't be. Don't waste your feelings on an old hag like her."  
  
"Are you... ok?" I meant to ask about her financial situation, but the question turned out differently than I had intended.  
  
"I'm dandy. Peachy."  
  
We got to her townhouse and she fished out her keys.  
  
"I'm fine, Kim. Financially, too." She shoved the key into the lock. "My mother is a ruthless businesswoman. It's expected that she toss me aside when she realised I'm no longer an asset to the company."  
  
I pulled on her hand. "You're not an asset. You're still her daughter."  
  
"Maybe to you, but not to her." She tugged to signal that we should go inside. I followed.  
  
"You're your own person, and I think she should acknowledge it."  
  
"Oh, she does, but I'm not doing anything for the company, so think of it as letting me go from our doomed familial duties of keeping the business alive."  
  
She led me to the living room. "Anyway, it's nothing. I was prepared to be cut off anyway." She pulled out the movie from her bag. "I could really use a smoke right now, but..." She gave me a shrug and popped the disc into the DVD player.  
  
I watched her shuffle around the living room before joining me on the couch. She initially kept her distance but I ended up scooting over and placed my head on her shoulder.  
  
"Hey, Kim..."  
  
"Hmm?" The opening credits were playing.  
  
"Why me?"  
  
I looked at her in surprise and laughed. "Why not you?"  
  
"I'm not exactly the best person to be around, Kim."  
  
"That's not true. You're a great person to be around."  
  
"Ok."  
  
"I mean it."  
  
She put her arm around me as the protagonist came on screen. "I know, it's just... Even after all I've done to you, you still--"  
  
I snuggled closer to her. "Doesn't matter."  
  
She kissed the top of my head in response. "Sorry I'm a jerk."  
  
"You're a loveable jerk."  
  
"Hey, I should feel insulted but I guess..." She looked down at me and smiled. "...I'm not."  
  
We remained snuggled on the couch as the movie finished.  
  
"Do you need to head back home?"  
  
I sat up to smooth out the wrinkles in my dress pants. "I have work tomorrow... And I don't have a change of clothes."  
  
"Oh. Do you need a lift home...?"  
  
I could hear it her voice. She simply did not want to be alone, but she did not try to pressure me into staying. She could have told me that I could borrow clothes to sleep in and that I could just leave early in the morning to head back home to change, but she didn't.  
  
I checked my watch. It was only midnight, but I lived on the other end of the city. It would take me about an hour to walk back, half an hour by transit, but only fifteen minutes by car.  
  
"It's ok... I can take the bus."  
  
"Let me drive you. It's late." Shego stood up and cleaned up the coffee table. "It's no trouble."  
  
"Ok."  


* * *

  
  
"Well, here we are."  
  
The drive over was short. Too short. I guess I sat there for a bit too long because she turned to look at me.  
  
"What's up?"  
  
I shook my head. "Nothing."  
  
"Ok. Well, good night."  
  
"Yeah." I leaned in to kiss her - not on the cheek - but the mouth.  
  
I think it took her by surprise because her arm that was resting on the steering wheel slipped and the horn scared both of us.  
  
We laughed and I noticed that she was blushing. This time she was ready so I kissed her again.  
  
"Kim," she said after we stopped for air. "Better if we stop here."  
  
I nodded. "Good night, Shego."  


* * *

  
  
The week flew by and every day we hung out at Jimmy's until it was late.  
  
George stopped me one evening as I headed to the bathroom. "Guess everything's all right."  
  
"Yeah, I guess it is."  
  
"Good, good." He ruffled my hair a bit. "You're good folk, Kim."  
  
"Thanks, George."  
  
When I came back from the bathroom, Shego asked me what all of that was about.  
  
"Oh, nothing, just had a chat with George."  
  
"And you let him ruffle your hair?"  
  
"Guess he treats me like one of his grandkids or something."  
  
She gave a puzzled look as I winked back at George.  
  
The nature of our friendship didn't really change. We hung out. We made out.  
  
I think it took three months before either one of us took it further.  
  
It wasn't because we wanted to abstain from sex... I think it was more for both of us to figure out whether we were on the same emotional level before taking things too far and breaking hearts that weren't meant to be broken.  
  
What happened that night?  
  
I remember we just finished watching a chick flick that ended with me crying and her trying to comfort me. It sounds really cliche but that was what happened.  
  
Before I knew it, she was kissing the tears away but stopped when I realised what was going on.  
  
If anyone else was in the room, she would've thought that we had a staring contest because I did stare at Shego for a bit... Before I kissed her.  
  
One thing led to another and we ended up in her bedroom.   That part is a bit hazy because I don't remember going up the stairs... She's strong enough to lift me... In more ways than one.  
  
I remember being naked when she asked it was ok to go any further.  
  
"You got me out of my clothes, isn't that a sure sign?"  
  
"...everything might change again if--"  
  
"So what? As long as we're together... Whatever 'this' might be... Putting a label on it would just constrict us..."  
  
"You're ok with this?"  
  
I remember I crawled on top of her to give her a hug. Her body radiated a heat that pulled me to her. My heart felt warm, I remember, as I whispered in her ear.  
  
"I'm ok with it as much as you are ok with it. We're in this together, don't forget that."  
  
She kissed me. Again and again. In places that I missed with touches that  drove me to new heights.  
  
Maybe society's construction of what relationships are supposed to be aren't what we need.  
  
Maybe we're all just free souls meant to not be bound by unspoken rules and norms.  
  
Maybe we're just meant to _be_.  
  
To live in the present and move forward into the future without thinking too much of what has been, what is, and what will be.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a really random story. I'm a bit sorry it actually didn't have much of a point but I felt like writing it down before I forgot about what it was about.


End file.
